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Hi,

I (29m) have been together with my girlfriend (29f) for almost two years. I feel attracted to and really admire her, at the same time I feel deeply stressed when thinking for too long at the future and I frequently feel a  nauseated sensation in my stomach. I feel a knot i my stomach especially when she asks about the future or whether I have something inside of me that is off and I shrug it off.

She is a wonderful woman that every man could wish for. All my friends and family love her, she is very kind and caring, makes me feel loved and appreciated and is very intelligent and successful. In addition, we share values when it comes to family life and work, and we have deep conversations and are able to share the deepest of secrets and difficuilties, except with each other.

I really like the idea of ending up with her and building a future, but I cannot escape the deep anxiety I feel deep down. I do think about dating other women and sometimes catch myself looking forward to end a phone conversation with her or getting home to be alone for a bit. On paper this is the perfect, and best, partner I could ask for. I realize that I may care a bit too much about what other people think. I also think a lot about having a secure economic future, having someone who will be a solid mother of my children and take care of those around her. Still, the relationship feels very boring, a bit apathetic and that I am playing a role to get the mentioned securities.

Sometimes my stomach hurts so much i cannot sleep and feel sick. I gets worse with time. I would so much like the envisioned life with her that I suppress this and count on that love is also conditional and that I will appreciate her qualities more and more as we get older. I am reluctant bringing this up because I cannot see a way of talking about this without actually ending the relationship altogether. I am also afraid to leave her because I don’t think I will ever find someone as solid, caring and wonderful as her again. Still, I can’t find peace with the match and constantly fight myself over this.

I think she is an excellent long term partner, but I am still suffering a lot of anxiety around this. What are your thoughts reading this? I am aware that this looks like a clear “you are simply not the right persons for each other”, but I don’t want to give her up based on “is the grass greener on the other side” gut feelings. I am sure I will regret it if I end the relationship.

Kind regards

Confused and stressed 29m

fabiansd1402 Asked question January 4, 2023