Last night as I was about to fall asleep at my girlfriend\’s, I began to hyperventilate, sweat all over, and generally freak out. This has happened maybe twice my entire life, always about work (I have a stressful job). This time, the only thing I was thinking about was my relationship. The panic attack happened last night even though we sleep over at each other\’s 4 or 5 days / week consistently

Some details about us / our relationship

  • I (29M) have been dating her (30F) for a year
  • First 9 months was incredible. The last 2-3 months have been more difficult – more fighting. Nothing aggressive or physical – usually emotional differences (e.g., didn\’t like I was spending time with a platonic female friend, I felt like we weren\’t high energy enough on a recent trip, she didn\’t feel like I was prioritizing her in certain situations)
  • I think – in general – I recognize these 2 months to be a low point in our relationship, but I\’m not certain she considers it the same or is analyzing it the same way. I feel like these fights might be us trying desperately to hold onto something
  • FYI – this is how my last relationship ended. But there was no communication. I\’m committed to communicating this time
  • We have are similarities – we each have our phone vice (TikTok / Youtube), we like to read, grew in similar socioeconomic households, share similar friends, share love of our city & city energy, love to travel and travel together
  • We have our differences – I work more / am more intense / physically active, educational backgrounds/ levels are different and may manifest in how we parent potential children, she\’s more emotionally available

What I am looking for advice on

  • How do I explore these feelings in a way that\’s fair to me and to her? I don\’t want create strife unnecessarily if this is a one off. But I also feel strongly that keeping this from her is disingenuous
  • How can I limit the physical impact this has on me in the short term? I got 4 hours of terrible sleep last night, can\’t sustain that
  • A wrinkle is that she is coming home with me to meet my family for Thanksgiving (I am going to hers for New Year\’s). Do I tell her before Thanksgiving, and put more pressure on an already slightly difficult situation for her? Or do I wait?
  • Anything else that comes to mind reading my post
Dr Jamie Turndorf Changed status to publish December 15, 2022