Hi,I have read many other posts but none relates directly to my problem as my husband insists he never had that”spark” for me. My husband and I have been together 32 years, 27 years married. It has been far from perfect since we come from different backgrounds and have disagreed more times than not. The bottom line is that he announced that he wants a divorce to find “romantic love,” a love like I have for him. He insists that he never loved me and in the beginning married me out of convenience and because I wanted to get married. I wanted to but told him I would stay with him anyway.He already had a son from a previous “fling” and didn’t really want any kids. I said I would like a child so he said ok and one month later we were pregnant. We tried for a second and after 2 miscarriages in between we had our second son. Our kids have been great for both of us however back in 2001 he left me and got an apartment for about a month and then moved back. The second time he left was in Jan 2007 again getting an apartment and he began dating someone local and also contacting a Ukranian woman he found on a website. He also sent another woman flowers. He said he came back because the boys needed him. Now flash forward to today, this almost 60 year old man (I am 61) tells me he wants a divorce. He says it would be much easier if he loved me since we have a great relationship now-share common interests, get along well and have a good sex life BUT he says he is a risk taker and must search for romantic love and dont worry since he’ll take care of me financially- we lost our house in 2011, and I lost my job.We are both still at home together, sleep together and do activities together. I want to save this marriage. What can I do? Please help.Thank you so much for all that you do!
Gosh, I am heartsick over your story.It’s just so hurtful to be told that he never loved you. I have to wonder why he telling you this now.Is it possible that he’s only saying this to hurt you? Is it possible that he’s angry with you? Does he resent you for roping him into marriage? It sounds like he has apassive personality.He may well be a people pleaser who is nowpunishing you for “making†him marry you.I think this because of the comments that he made.He also says he’s a risk taker. Why has he suddenly become a risk taker at the age of 60? I’m thinking he may be experiencing a belated mid-life crisis, which drives manymen to start taking risks in an attempt to recapture their youth and beat back death.Now what can you do?First, explore the anger question. Many people people pleasersgrow to feel victimized and angry.If that line of inquiry turns out to be a dead end, then move on to the mid-life crisis angle. If he’s in a mid-life crisis, he should get over it.I’ll never forget a woman I know who’s husband went nuts, left home, dating a young girl. The whole nine.Then one day, he came home with his tail between his legs, asking if she’d take him back. He said that the young girl bored him and he missed his wife.How you handle his mid-life crisis comes down to what you’re comfortable doing. Are you comfortable telling him that he can stay home and play at being young until it’s out of his system?There’s a good chance that we’re dealing with a convergence of more than one factor. Perhaps he was always dependent. He married you to please you. Perhaps he didn’t love you passionately. Now his mid-life crises is pushing him to go for the gusto, and find passionate romantic love before it’s too late.You might tell him that in the end, if he’s lucky, he’ll end up with what you both have now–alovely companionable relationship that includes sex.He could break up your marriage go after the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and maybe he’ll have a period of intense passion. But then what? Ultimately, he’ll end up with what you both have now–if he’s lucky enough to find what you have.I’ve shot all my flairs. I am rooting for him to come to his senses.Please keep in touch with me and let me know what happens.