Lost Love? I’m best friends with a girl who I have known for like 5 years. We have the perfect friendship. I’m always there when she needs me and and I always listen to what she has to to say.The problem is I’m madly in love with her and have been from the beginning. We have had romance between us off and on and never had a bad split up it was always bad timing. I moved away, yet still talked to her every night before I went to bed for a couple of years. Well I moved back close to her.The problem is that she is now engaged to a man. It is killing me inside to see her so unhappy with this man. Yet she will not leave to be with me. She shows abvious signs of happiness when she is near me. We get along great. Still she claims her love for him. She still calls him her boyfriend, and she will say that ‘if’ she marries him, and also she has slept with me since I have been back on more than one occasion.She tells me that she knows it’s not right but she can’t control her urges to be intimate with me. And stil she claims to be in love with this man. Is she in love with him or is she in love with me and is scared to give up the furniture, and all the other things they share.When they fight she will always run to me for comfort. I’m trying desperately to stay her best friend and not say anything about leaving him because it’s her choice not mine. I want to know if she will marry him? If she realy is in love with him? Is there anyway I can bring back the real feelings she had for me before I left? In your opinion what do you think will come of this relationship?I’m not sure he is ready for her to be married. I can remember one time three weeks ago when her car broke down and she was going to call me to help but decided to call her ‘boyfriend’ to help her but he said no because he wanted to hang out with the boys and play video games. So she called me upset and I ended up going to help her out.It just kills me knowing she is hurting and I’m so ready to offer her my life to share and devote everyday to her happiness. I want so much more for her because I’m her frend and because I love her. Always have for the last five years.What should I do? Should I hold on to her and be her friend? What things should I do to win back her heart?thank you.
You say that you want to win back her heart, which implies that you had it at one time and lost it. It sounds to me like you two are ships in the night. You once had a relationship, then you moved away, she found someone else, then you came back to be near her.The first thing you need to examine is whether both of you are ready for a real connection. I noticed that you moved away from her and then came back to her when she wasn’t free. Would you still want her if she were free?She sounds to be in the same boat as you. She chases after a guy who doesn’t treat her well when she could have a guy like you. Is she also conflicted about being in a loving relationship?The only way we’re going to know if you are apart simply because of bad timing and unfortunate circumstances (and not because of an unconscious fear of being close that one or both of you may have) is to go for broke. Stick your neck out and tell her everything that ‘s in your heart.Tell her that you want to devote your life to making her happy. Tell her that she seems invested in holding on to someone who can’t meet her needs rather than being with you, a guy who is always there for her in her hour of need.If she agrees with your assessment, her next step is to get therapeutic help. It is unlikely that she will be able to break the pattern of chasing after someone who starves her without outside assistance. If she gets help, you have a hope for a relationship. If she doesn’t get help, then what you see is what you get.She will spend her life chasing rainbows and trying to get blood from a stone. If you are afraid of having a relationship, then you will continue to hold a torch for her and chase your own rainbow. If she refuses to get help and you are truly ready for a relationship then you will move on.I hope that she gets help and that you both hook up one day soon.
