Your question reminds me of the joke, ‘How many psychiatric patients does it take to change a light bulb?’Answer:’One, but he’s got to really want to change!’ You can’t make anyone feel or do anything that you want him or her to do. You can, however, talk to her, and hopefully open her eyes to her predicament. What she does with this awareness is up to her.To make her aware, you might say, ‘I understand the wish to unite your baby with her father. From what you’ve told me, it doesn’t sound as though he is interested in this. So, it sounds like you’re holding out for a dream to come true. What will it take to convince you that he’s not coming back?’ You might pause and see what she has to say about what you’ve said.Then you might want to tell her that you really care for her and would like to be her daughter’s father. If she is still holding out for the baby’s biological father, you might say, ‘You’re wondering why she is more invested in chasing after an empty well than in allowing herself to receive the love that you offer freely.This observation will hopefully open a discussion about her history and life. I suspect that she is accustomed to not getting the love she craves. Because she is used to struggle and frustration, she would naturally be drawn to a man who keeps her hungry. You might point this out to her. Then tell her that she wasn’t supposed to be starved before and she isn’t supposed to be now.The awareness that she’s recreating an early life of frustration and deprivation is the best way to liberate her from her confusion.Let me know what happens.
