You both can’t let go of your relationship with each other because unfinished childhood business on both your parts is keeping you glued to each other.Let me give you an example of how this works. I see a woman who stays with a man who won’t give her the attention she desires. They fight, break up and always get back together. Why? She’s trying to ‘fix’ the broken relationship she had with her dad.As I explain in my book: The mind tries to heal the wounds of childhood by recreating them and then working for a happier ending this time around. The first step of the recreation is picking a partner who emotionally resembles the parent who damaged or let you down.What happens next is you begin to relive what you experienced as a kid. To return to my example of the woman who is with a lover who’s a cold fish, she feels as neglected with him as she did with her dad. Now you may be thinking, what is she, a glutton for punishment?Here’s how the mind works. She figures that if she tries really hard that she will win her lover’s attention and if she can pull this feat off she will feel as though she actually succeeded in getting her daddy’s love. But, as you can see, her plan is doomed from the get go. Why? Because her lover is damaged goods and he can’t give her any more or any better than her dad did.But she won’t give up. Because giving up on the relationship would feel like giving up the hope of ever getting love from her daddy. So, she begs, pleads, cries, fights, yells, breaks up, gets back together. . . . Do you see yourselves in this scenario.So in answer to your question how can you break free of this pattern, first you need to identify the wound you’re trying to heal through your relationship. To figure this out ask yourself what you didn’t get from your parent that you needed. That’s what you’re looking for from your partner (she should do the same exercise and figure out her old wound and the type of healing she needs).At this point, one of two things can happen. You can consciously work to give each other the kind of emotional treatment and responses you needed as kids and help each other heal or you may come to realize that you both are not capable of giving each other what you need.If, for example, you are the unemotional, cold type and your partner needs a warm, responsive kind of person, then you aren’t right for her. There needs to be a lot of reflection and cool headed talking in which you both outline your wounds and discuss honestly whether you can help each other to heal or whether you are too similar to the parent who let her down are therefore not right for her and whether she is too similar to the parent who let you down and is therefore not right for you.Now that you understand the real issues involved, you should be able to go forward with discussions and either begin the healing process together or move on once and for all.