I’ve been with my boyfriend for just over 3 years. First two he was away at college and he’s finally back home but recently I’ve been more on edge. He has always had a mixed group of friends but since coming back I am just realising how many female friends he has, and how close. Just like how he is close to his male friends but in my culture it’s not the norm. I have no worries about these friends, our relationship is something known and respect and he’s never given me reason to doubt. But there’s this one friend I can’t shake off, she is beautiful and seems to enjoy gym like he does. He follows her finsta and she does have a boyfriend herself who she loves a lot, she has not given me any reason to be on edge about her. But I cant stop, and I don’t know why. I don’t know whether it’s bc even three years in, I haven’t met any of his close friends. I’m just uncomfortable with the thought of her, but since she’s part of his friendship group I don’t want to be THAT girlfriend. I don’t know what to do, even seeing her name in their gc puts me in a bad mood and makes me upset. I know I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety I have a history and not sure whether I’m being silly and making connections. What should I do?
You said you have a history. Of anxiety? Or a history of being jealous? I’m assuming you mean that you have a history of anxiety. Your anxiety has decided to latch onto this girl. It is true that free floating anxiety can search for any place to park itself.
Since you say he’s never given you any reason to doubt his fidelity, then it would be easy to chalk your fear up to your own anxiety and leave it at that.
But, not so fast. On the other hand, you did say that after 3 years you’ve never met his close friends. This fact is sufficient to fuel your anxiety.
I would prefer that you tackle this topic in a more oblique way. By this I mean, rather than bringing up this particular woman, which could easily backfire by causing him to feel hurt that you don’t trust him, why not gently inquire about meeting his friends, in general.
I would preface the conversation by saying that behavior is a nonverbal communication that can be interpreted in many different ways. Rather than guess, and possibly guess wrong, tell him that you would like to understand what he is telling about something specific that is happening in your relationship.
When he gives you the green light, then say you’re referring to not having met his friends. Next, ask him what he thinks and feels about the topic. How does he want you to think and feel about this? And what is he telling you by not having you meet his friends?
Then lean back and see what he says. I understand that you are thinking he’s not serious about you if you haven’t been introduced to his good friends.
I bet he’ll tell you that he didn’t even know you wanted to meet his friends. And I feel confident that once he knows this is important to you, he will make the introductions.
Once you meet his friends, I am sure you will feel more comfortable with him and your relationship, and then the worries about this other woman should fade away.
Also, chronic anxiety is often caused by low magnesium. Most of us are deficient in magnesium and the form that our deficiency takes depends our genetic predispositions. If we’re prone to digestive ailments, then low magnesium can trigger IBS, colitis or Crone’s. Likewise, if we’re prone to mood imbalances, low magnesium can cause anxiety, depression or other mood disturbances. Since magnesium is a natural central nervous system tranquilizer, I recommend that you begin using Elektra Magnesium’s Magnesium Spritz oil at a dose of 21 sprays per day in 3 divided doses. You will feel immediate relaxation. Here’s a link to where you can buy it on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Elektra-Magnesium-Oil-Spritz/dp/B071CVRSHR/ref=sr_1_2?crid=21GZS7U7WV6AX&keywords=elektra+magnesium&qid=1662024385&s=beauty&sprefix=elektra+magnesium%2Caps%2C286&sr=1-2
Let me know how it all works out for you.