I had broken off an engagement about a year ago because she wants to stay in New York City, but I was scared to move away from my large family plus I was unhappy with the way things were going with myself.But I realized I made a huge mistake.I haven’t stopped thinking about her since then. We still converse on the phone, and tell each other we love one another. But there are the occasional setbacks were she won’t forgive me for what I had done to her and her family. I want to know how I can convince her that I want to spend the rest of my life with her, and I will do whatever it takes.What can I do?
It’s obvious that you’re devoted to your former fiancee . You say that she won’t forgive you for what you have done to her and her family. By this I assume you mean that she won’t forgive you for having broken off the engagement.It’s important that you say the right thing when she tells you that she won’t forgive you. Do you listen and try to understand what she’s feeling? Beneath her anger is a lot of hurt and fear. Does she discuss this with you?If not, encourage her to talk with you about her hurt and fear. I suspect that she clings to the anger and resentment as a form of psychological armor. As long as she holds onto the anger, she feels strong and powerful. When she drops the anger, then she softens toward you and then she’s in danger of your hurting her again.To convince her that you will do whatever it takes, she needs to know that you will never walk out on her again. It isn’t going to be easy to convince her of this, since you left her before. So, she needs to know that you are aware of the external forces (your intense attachment to your family) and well as the internal factors that caused you to break up with her.Regarding your attachment to your family, she needs to know that from here forward you will make sure that she comes ahead of everyone else. Regarding the issues you had with yourself, she needs to know that you have resolved these issues. Otherwise, she’s going to live in fear that these problems could surface again and jeopardize your relationship.Talk to her about what I discuss above and let me know how you do.
