How can i make my husband realize what he is doing to me. He is very controlling and and very jealous.He never puts me first in our relationship. He has never hit me but he talks to me like I’m nothing sometimes. How can i stick up for myself, and let him now I’m serious, and it isn’t a joke. I feel like he doesn’t love me any more.We have been together for 7 years and been married 3 years. I can’t give my thoughts on anything to him. It seems it doesn’t even matter to him. Please give me feedback. Thank you.
I hear how desperate you are.Basically, your husband is wiping his boots on you. When you balk he tells you that he could care less about how you feel. You are being abused.The problem here is due to the fact that your husband knows that you are going to keep on taking his crap. You may balk and complain, but you will still take it and he knows it. In short, he knows he can wipe the floor with you. Nothing I tell you to do or say will have any impact on him.Why? Because we need to focus on you, not him. You can’t change him, but you can change you. You need to understand why you are tolerating the abuse. When you understand why and heal yourself everything around you, including your marriage will change as if by magic.To understand why you’re tolerating his abuse, read all my archived articles on repetition compulsion and unfinished business. These articles explain why being abused in childhood leads you to connect with an abusive partner/spouse in adulthood.In short, we all choose partners who recreate what we suffered as a kids, because we all gravitate to what we know and because we are hoping that if we replay the past we will be able to achieve a better outcome this time around, thereby healing the original wound. In our attempt to heal the wounds of childhood, we choose a partner who emotionally resembles the parent who hurt us.Each time your partner mistreats you, you secretly think, ‘If I am very good and kind and patient, he will suddenly wake up, realize my worth and will stop abusing me and start loving me.’ So you keep trying to ‘splain’ it to him hoping that one day you’ll get him to see how desperate you are, one day he’ll get it and magically stop mistreating you. Lots of luck! It ain’t gonna happen, at least not the way you’re playing it.We need to focus off of him and onto you.You must begin healing the abused little girl inside you. Recall all the times you were mistreated by mom or dad. Feel the hurt and anger and come to the little girl inside you. Comfort her. Protect her. As you heal the little girl inside you, two things will happen. You are going to demand that others treat you properly and you won’t tolerate abuse from anyone any more.This change inside you will be evident. You won’t need to say a word to him. He will sense the change in you, believe me he will. When he knows that you mean business, that you aren’t going to take it anymore, that you’ll even walk out if you have to, then and only then will he wake up.The only way he’s going to stop dumping on you is when he knows that he has no choice but to stop. The only way he’s going to get this message is for you to put your foot down with him. Don’t even think of taking this tack until you have done the self-healing I describe.You have to be healed and mean business from the bottom of your heart (meaning you won’t allow your little girl or the adult you to be mistreated any longer) for him to take you seriously. When you heal, you will no longer feel compulsively drawn to getting him (who your mind sees as your abusive daddy or mommy) to stop mistreating you. You will simply be done with the abuse.Either he will change or he won’t. If it turns out that he is beyond hope and is married to his abusive ways, you will find yourself unwilling to waste time or energy. You will want to leave him. But we are far from this point. First heal yourself and then we’ll see how this all shakes down.Please let me know how you progress on your journey.