hi how you doing.me and my ex girlfriend went out for 2 months and i was always lying to her bout stupid things and she broke up with me cuz of it. after the break up in june of 2003 everything went bad till the point that she stopped speakin to me.one day in july of 2004 i emailed her and i said hi how you doing and she replied by giving me her screename so me and her have been talking since but we havent spoken in person only over the imsis there anyway i can be able to get her back into being my girlfriend?
I hear that you want your ex. back, but what I don’t hear is what you intend to do about the lying that caused her to break up with you. You mention your lying in passing as though it was something dumb that you did but something that isn’t worth giving a second thought. That’s dead wrong.If you want her back, you need to take the lying seriously and commit to understanding and resolving this behavior. Keep in mind that it’s hard enough for us humans to change behaviors that we want to change, and downright impossible to achieve if you don’t have a high level of investment.If you are interested in giving up the lying, read on. Lying can be viewed as a defense mechanism, which is an unconscious device that the mind creates in order to protect the self from emotional danger or harm. In order to resolve your pattern of lying, you need to observe yourself as soon as you feel the urge to lie. When the urge arises, ask yourself, ‘What feeling am I trying to escape by lying?’As you study yourself, you are going to be amazed to discover that you probably think that your lying helps you to avoid the other person’s anger or disappointment in you. So, you lie to avoid a response that would be hurtful to you.The problem with lying, as with all other defenses, is that they end up biting you in the butt in the long run. True in the short run, you avoid the feared outcome, but in time the lying (or other defense) actually creates the very thing that you fear and more.For example, let’s say I am afraid to be rejected by someone, so I pull away first, to protect myself from the pain. Then what happens? In response to my distancing, the other person pulls away from me and I get rejected after all!To break free, begin observing yourself and make the conscious decision not to escape your worst fear by lying and instead choose to talk honestly about whatever you feel and fear. For example, you might say, ‘I just had the urge to lie, because I was afraid you’d be mad at me if I told you the truth. I realize that you’ll end up being more mad at me–and probably dump me–when you find out that I lied. . . ‘The only hope you have to get your girlfriend back is to show her an honest effort on your part to change your lying ways. Keep in mind that if she does take you back, and you fall back to your old patterns, you’ll be history all over again.The work I outline for you is vital if you ever hope to have a relationship that lasts. Let me know how you do.