Hello Dr. Love.There is this guy that I worked with and he called me up to tell me that he thought I was cute. I thought to myself that it was great. I have never had a guy just come to me to say how he felt right away. Some times they like to play games with me.So he would ask me out and I would tell him no because I had to work or I was busy, he would do the same. Even though we would always be busy we still talked to each other on the phone. I started to like this guy, he had a great personallity and he was cute. So we did go out on a date, I had a nice time (I am not sure if he did or not).He did never ask me if we could go out again. But I just found out a couple of days ago he could only see me as a really good friend and that is it. He told me that I was too much like him and that when we went out I could not decide where I wanted to eat.But it took him 2 mounths just to tell me that. I wish he would have said something to me sooner than he did. I felt angry at him for leading me on like he did.But I sometimes wounder to myself if I was the one to push him away. When I like someone, or find out they like me I act different around them. With my other friends I can joke with them and not clam up when I am alone with him.But when I like someone I clam up and I am afraid to make any kind of move on them even if they say it is okay. I also tend to say things that they don’t like and I did not even know that it was bad until I think about what I said, and by then it is already too late. .I guess my question to you would be: How do I get over being diffrent around people that I like so I don’t chase them away? And how do I try not to be a bitch? At least I sometimes think I am, but when I ask people they say I am far from it.Thanks for your time.
You have asked me to help you understand why you clam up, don’t act like yourself, say hurtful things, act like a bitch, and generally chase them away.What you need to realize is that 95 percent of everything we do and say in life, and the choices we make are driven by unconscious motivations. While you may consciously want a boyfriend, your unconscious doesn’t agree. You need to ask your unconscious mind to clue you in on why it wants to drive guys away from you.There are many reason why a person would do this. I’ll give you an idea. You may be engaged in what I call the ‘dying by your own sword’ defense. This defense makes you end a relationship at your own hand (by your own sword) rather than wait for the other person to dump you.Behind this defense is a deep fear of rejection. Fear of rejection comes from other even deeper fears. Perhaps you were abandoned as a child, which would leave you terrified to get close to anyone, for fear of being abandoned or rejected again. So, you would see to it that the relationship ends before you get hurt.If I am correct, then you will need to engage in psychotherapy so that you can talk about how you were traumatized and work through all the leftover pain and fear. When you have worked through the feelings that haunt you from the past, you will be free to love in the present.
