Dr Love,What does it mean when my boyfriend says he needs some space?He said he needs a few days to a week to think and I have not talked to him since tuesday. .I am starting to worry if he still cares? I feel like if you love someone how can you go so long with out talking? I made the mistake of calling this morning to say hi. .Does space mean its over? He still has clothes at my house and a key to my apartment. So if it was over he would of picked that stuff up by now right?When he first addressed the issue it was last Sunday and when he said he needed some space my fear mechanism kicked in and I said ok well I guess its over then. He came over crying and flipping out that he did not want to lose me and asked if we could work it out. . I said yes and then it was fine.Then i thought about it and decided I needed to honor him and give him his space. . So he took it. Now I am worried. . Help please. . Was it wrong of me to call this morning?
You were fearful and acted on the fear by calling him. You’re human, so give yourself a break. You didn’t do anything wrong.When he reconnects with you, tell him that you have no problem with his taking space, but that you need to be clued in on what is going on inside his head. What you need to help him to see is that his distancing from you without an explanation is too anxiety provoking for you.He needs to tell you what the struggle is about and if it’s about you and the relationship you need to know that. If there is a relationship problem, then he needs to see that taking space won’t solve the problem. Two people need to work together to solve a relationship problem. One person hiding in a cave can’t solve a relationship issue. His distancing from you not only doesn’t solve the problem, it is relationship destructive behavior.Our job is to get him to sit still and talk to you. Running may temporarily discharge his anxiety or whatever other feeling that is bothering him, but he isn’t solving anything by using this coping behavior and he is doing damage to you and the relationship in the process.Explain all this to him and get him talking and all should be fine.