I need some advice on dealing with a difficult issue that is of my own doing. I was using my boyfriend’s laptop to copy a couple of digital photos he had saved to hard drive.While searching for the photos, I stumbled across a file named’Private’ and I looked. What I found disturbed me — they were very graphic sexual photos he had taken of a woman — some with certain body parts of my boyfriend touching/inserted in the woman (hands, arms, etc. — I could tell by the watch and bracelet he wears).The dates on the photos are all prior to the start of our relationship, but I sill feel upset by the pictures and why he keeps them. Any advice on how to handle this and move on. I’ve definitely learned my lesson about snooping.
You are in a tough spot because you have found something that you weren’t supposed to find–or were you? I assume that he knows that you use his hard drive to copy photos, in which case his unconscious mind may have meant for you to find the photos.Was he trying to tell you something by leaving a trail of bread crumbs…or should I say’bed’ crumbs.To decide how you want to proceed, start by figuring out why you are so upset. Do you fear that he kept pictures of this woman because he is still attached to her? Are you afraid that he will get back with her? Are you afraid that he is going to cheat on you?Next decide if you want to admit that you were snooping. This may be the only way that you can have a frank discussion about what you found that is unless you can think of another way to lead into the talk by asking more general questions about how he feels about you, your relationship, past lovers, your sex life together, and so on.What we want to find out is if he saved this relic from the past so that he could use it to satisfy his need for sexual variety while remaining faithful to you or whether he still has feelings for this woman. If he talks openly with you, you may not need to tell him that you violated his privacy.I’ll be interested to hear what happens.