Dear Dr. Love,My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months, I was the 1st person he has ever been with. It took him till about 6 months to perform oral sex on me, I figure because he was insecure as to how. He has not done it since, and the only reason I can think of why is because I stopped him after like 3 minutes because I felt extremely uncomfortable. I feel he might think that he was not good or that he did not do it right.We have a great sex life otherwise, but I would really like him to please me orally. I am open to any suggestions, please help.
I think that your assumption is probably accurate–that he assumed that you stopped him because he wasn’t doing a good job. The only way to deal with this issue is head on (if I may say).You need to tell him that you think that he misinterpreted the reason for your stopping him (that his technique was poor), which wasn’t the case (giving him a word of encouragement will motivate him to try again). Then explain that the actual reason for your stopping him was because you were feeling self-conscious.Finally, tell him that you are feeling more comfortable with him now and that you’d like him to try again. Give him the proper explanation for your behavior along with a vote of confidence (by saying that his technique was fine) and he should be heading south in no time.