Dear Dr. love I have a very embarrassing story to share. I was at the bar last weekend and I drank a lot. I ended up going home with this girl. When we got to this girl’s house we started fooling around and It turned out that this girl wasn’t a girl. The part that messes me up is that I didn’t stop. When I sobered up the next morning I felt so sick about what I did. Now that I’ve done this any questions I ever had about being gay are definetly gone. I feel ashamed and embarrassed and I wish that night never happened but it did. My question is how do I go on living without this experience always haunting me? Now that I had a gay experience am I considered gay or have you heard of other straight guys trying gay sex and wishing It never happened. Please respond to my question because I don’t know how to go on with this eating at my head. Please help! Also Is having sex with a transsexual considered gay sex?
You are worried if others would consider you gay and want to know if sex with a transsexual is considered gay sex? All your concern seems to be focused on what others think, when in reality, no one but you knows what happened. So, the real issue is what you, yourself, think about your behavior. Clearly you are not at all at peace with what you did. This is because you are terrified to find out that you are gay. This panic has been awakened by having had a sexual encounter with a woman who had once been a man (a transexual). Your unconscious mind has processed the incident as’I slept with a guy’ and this has awakened both your own normal homosexual urges as well as your fear of these urges. The fact is that there is no such thing as a 100% heterosexual (straight) person. In fact, most straight men have had at least one encounter with another man and they still go on to marry and lead straight lives. The point is, we all have feelings of attraction for members of the same sex. Many people are terrified to admit these normal feelings and bury them from conscious awareness. Others become homophobic (they are terrified of being gay or terrified to be around gay people), which is another way of warding off homosexual urges. The ideal is to make peace with these feelings and go on and live your life. Your terrible anxiety, shame, and embarrassment tell me that you are not at all comfortable with your homosexual urges. You say that any questions that you ever had about being gay are definitely gone since your encounter with this transexual. I think that this isn’t so. What you need to work on is accepting the fact that, you, like all men have homosexual urges. You can have these feelings and never sleep with a man if you choose not to. I hope that I have helped to ease your anxiety and put your mind to rest.