I have being going out with this girl for over 4 years. She is my first girlfriend. I am a doctor (age 26) and she is a nurse. We have broken up many times, always by me. I love her and she loves me but something inside me tells me she is not the right one however perfect she seems.Without her I feel so sad and empty. We only broke up 1 week ago and I miss her terribly. I am scared that if I get back with her I will hurt her again. I’m also scared I will lose the love of my life by leaving her. I’m scared I won’t meet anyone like her.I have low self-confidence and thought this was the only way to build it up. Have I made the right decision?
In reading your letter, I was struck by the fact that there was a lot of information that wasn’t supplied. I don’t think you purposely withheld this information; rather, I think that you, yourself, are not clear on all the reasons behind the decision you took to break up once again. Until you are sure of all those reasons, neither of us can say whether the decision was right for you or not.The first thing you need to explore is what is occurring inside yourself just prior to each break up. Whenever a person goes into action (in this case, breaking up) the action is prompted by an urge to lessen building emotional tension. Keep in mind that the tension can be operating at an unconscious level. You may only be aware of a vague sense of unease rather than the thoughts and feelings that are actually bothering you.So, your first step is to become clear on all the thoughts and feelings surrounding this girl and your relationship with her. You need to ask yourself, what feeling am I trying to escape each time I break up with her. What feeling don’t I want to have toward her? What feeling would I have if I stayed with her?Also ask yourself where the empty feeling you describe first began? Did you feel empty as a child? As you answer the above questions, you are going to be amazed at how much you learn about yourself.If I had to guess I would say that your feeling that something is missing dates back to your early life. If your emotional needs weren’t met, you would come to adulthood with a vague sense that something is wrong or missing. Not realizing that the emptiness is the result of an inner void, you could easily externalize what is actually an internal problem and assume that something is missing in the relationship, when actually what’s missing is inside yourself.You said yourself that this girl seems perfect. So if she is so perfect and yet you feel that something is missing, you need to suspect that the void is within yourself. If you would like to explore this problem more with me, don’t hesitate to contact me in my private consulting division.
