Dear Dr. Love,I pray that you will choose this letter to answe for free. I am having a real problem dealing with my husband’s new female co-worker. First of all, my husband of 9 years is not flirtacious, not a filanderer, etc. There is a pretty 27 year old sales manager who recently transferred to the branch he manages and since I’ve seen her, I have had periods of anxiety over this. I think I have idealized her in my head and fear that she has qualities that I do not possess any longer.I’m 35 and attractive, work part-time and am intelligent. But I have managed to picture her as the object of his attraction and am constantly finding myself imagining what she’s like to be around all day…I have discussed my discomfort with him and he reassured me that there is no way that he would ever do anything to jeopardize what we have, etc. Also, his interactions whith me haven’t changed at all. He also said he was not all that impressed by her looks when he met her.Yet still, whenever he mentions that the group went to lun ch, etc., I find my stomach turning! I think I must be having a mid-life crisis or something. Maybe I feel that I just cannot compete anymore with a 27 year old…maybe I think she has alot of the qualities that he admires in women and am jealous over that…all I know is I have gone from a woman who, for 9 years, has felt like his queen and who he would never in a million years find a replacement for, to a woman who has lost all self-assurance.I really feel that this entire situation has changed the way I view myself in my marriage. I no longer have the confidence that he will always prefer me. I find myself needing a lot more reassurance and that really bugs me…He has said that he’s the one who is always worried he could lose me, and here I am in a situation where I worry I could be replaced either in thought or in his desires…I just wish I sould stop thinking of her…I wish that I knew more about her other than she’s gorgeous and shares the same job interests, office space for 40 hours a week and lunches with my husband…I know you’ll say I have a fear of abandonment, which is not true…no one has ever left me in my life….you’ll say I suffer from low self-esteem, which until now I never have…I just need some good sound advice to help me through the times I feel threatened and really do not wish to get all psychological about it…would self- affirmations help?? If so, which ones? Should I tell him when I feel needy and risk his getting annoyed about it? How do I stop myself from having un-productive thoughts about this????Please tell me…Hate felling insecure….