I am a 26 year old guy and I have never had a girlfriend and I have very little sexual experience. All the girls I have been interested in in the past always turned me down, and often they say I’m a really nice guy but they’re just not interested.I don’t feel happy about this but it has happened so often that I have sort of learned to accept it happened. The thing is though, I have recently met a lovely girl and I feel very much in love with her.One night we kissed, but the day after she told me that she is not interested in a relationship, because she has been hurt in the past (I don’t know what exactly happened but she told me she hasn’t been in a relationship for 2 years because of this).I am very afraid that this friendship will end up the same as the ones in the past and I will end up hurt again. Also, I feel very jealous now if she pays attention or shows interest in other guys, even though she may not be interested in anything else than friendship.I don’t know what to do, can you give me any advice on how I’m going to deal with this??
If you notice the question that you asked me–how am I going to deal with the rejection I’m about to experience–you can see that you have a script in your head. And you already know the ending–you get dumped again!The problem with scripts is that once you know the ending, there is little chance that you will ever experience anything but the ending you anticipate. I know this may sound like blaming the victim, or that you are asking for rejection. In a funny way, that ‘s exactly how the mind works.After a couple of rejections, the mind gets programmed to expect nothing but more rejection. Expecting to fail is a twisted form of self-protection. It’s like dying by your own sword. At least you are in control and there are no surprises.The problem with this kind of self-protection is that it actually causes you more misery. This is because we get the treatment we expect, and so you find yourself trapped, alone and without love.What you need to be doing is change your view of yourself. Just because you were rejected in the past, doesn’t mean life need always follow this course.The fact that the rejection became a pattern, isn’t because you are unloveable. It’s because, after a couple of disappointments, your mind came to expect rejection and that is exactly what came about.Remember, your past doesn’t equal your potential. Your past also doesn’t equal your future. If you can’t shake this programming on your own, you would be a good candidate for some cognitive therapy or hypnosis, which can help you to reprogram your brain.You also may want to examine how your expectation that you will always be dropped fits with your history. You probably felt unwanted or unloved as a kid, and this surely taints your view of yourself, as well as sets you up to feel unloveable.I see you as a stud muffin waiting to happen.Try that on for size!
