This is a very long and involved letter, but I really need the advice and I don’t know who to ask but you. I am 15 years old.My situation is pretty complicated, as are many situations of teenagers in love. There are even songs about this stuff. I’m one of those unattractive, withdrawn, detached antisocial types. I’m fine this way, don’t think it’s a problem. The problem is, there is a girl who is actually perfect. . . she is beautiful ( in the cute and innocent way), a 4. 0 student, on the soccer team, she’s religious, she plays in the band, she’s not conceited at all, and she’s friends with everyone. Even people like me.I sat by her during the 2nd quarter of the school year this year. . . and I seriously enjoyed talking to her. I looked forward to seeing her every day, and when I heard her voice as she entered the room, I would reflexively turn my head to look at her. I had daydreams about making her happy; I was completely taken with her.I knew that most high school relationships don’t work out, so I thought I should try and get over her. It’s odd; we are astrologically opposed, which I think means that we’d either love each other completely, or despise each other. . . . Well I tried to forget about her, and our schedules were changed, and I don’t have class with her anymore, but somehow I’ve still been seeing her alot. . . . just when I get her out of my head she says hello to me in the hallway or in the gym after an assembly and I’m stuck again.Just recently she came by my house selling candybars and she asked my sister (who answered the door) if I was home and to say hi to me. . . . sometimes I fool myself in to thinking that it means something, but honestly, she’s like that with everybody.You see, I’d ran and hid when she came to the door, because it was Saturday and I wasn’t expecting to see her and my hair was a mess and I was dressed sloppily and unshaven etc. So I sent her an email note of apology and then, in a gesture which was either foolish or noble, I added a personal section to the letter which pretty much confessed that I really respected her and enjoyed her company, etc.What I tried to do was lead her to the conclusion that I was attracted to her without using any of the words that come on too strong. I gave her the option to just not reply and I’d assume that she didn’t feel the same about me that I felt about her. I wouldn’t have told her if we saw each other everyday, but now that we wouldn’t, I felt comfortable doing it.After she left after the candybar incident, I impulsively decided to comb my hair, get my jacket on and my portable tape player, and I must have walked a mile around the neighborhood hoping I’d find her until it was too dark. She hasn’t replied yet, but it hasn’t been long.I just want to know what a psychologist thinks. . . . I’m a very mature and intelligent person, ahead of my years, and regardless of what is commonly thought, I believe that I have the capacity to understand and possess love. . . is it love when all you desire, from now to eternity, is to hold the person in your arms and keep them warm?I told her that if she didn’t want to know me anymore, then I would encourage her to forget me, because I just want her to be happy. She could have any guy she wanted. . . but I’m so withdrawn that nobody really knows what I’m like at all. I know I could be one of the world’s top 10 boyfriends, if only A) Someone gave me the chance and B) I was good lookingHowever, if I thought it would make her love me, I would change everything in my life. I would eat nothing but cereal, fruit, and vegetables for her, and run 10 miles a day, or buy all new clothes, or anything. I don’t know exactly what my question is, but I know you could have some advice for me.Remember, I know this isn’t just a crush. . . this has been going on for many months, while I’ve actively been trying to leave it behind. It really *does* feel like an astrological attraction.Please tell me something.
You asked me to tell you something. Well here it is:You sound like a great guy who doesn’t know how fine he is.The package (what a person looks like) is hardly as important as who you are inside. And, you are a peach, with great capacity to love and care. She will be very lucky to have you.And, congratulations for having the courage to tell her how you feel about her. This is a hard thing for people with great confidence to do.So, you should be very proud that you had the guts. And, even if she doesn’t agree to go out with you, remember that you are wonderful and deserve to be loved. And, you don’t have to run a million miles or starve yourself to get love.You deserve it now for who you are.
