My question involves coping with a sexual mistake I have been having oral sex with my boyfriend who i recently broke up with. Last time we were together, we were intense to the point where he fingered me and I think he de virginized me. Now Im paranoid that when i meet the right guy, he won’t believe that i never had sexual intercourse and that he’ll be disgusted by me. Am i overeacting? I need advice on how to deal. 🙂
I think the real issue here is your feelings of guilt. You seem to feel that you did something wrong by having sexual relations with your boyfriend. It isn’t clear to me whether you feel guilty over having had sex, period, or whether you are guilty because you had sex with a person who was, technically, no longer your boyfriend.As for your concern that another lover will be able to tell that you have been ‘devirginized,’ here’s the scoop. Most girls, even girls who have never had intercourse, find that their hymens are broken long before they have intercourse for the first time. Jumping over a fence, strong exercise, using tampons, all break down the hymen.Your idea that a man will consider you soiled goods is an old fashioned idea that originated in olden times, when women were considered their husband’s property. And, since no man wanted to buy used merchandise, it was vital that a female be a virgin (with an intact hymen to prove it) when she married. Otherwise, she wasn’t saleable. And, because of this, girls of good society were protected from doing heavy activity, so that their hymens could be kept intact.Nowadays, everyone knows that girls are active, and a man is not surprised to find that his lover’s hymen has already been broken. If you are cool about this, your lover will be too.But, the real issue here is the fact that you aren’t cool. You have apparently been raised in a conservative family that has taught you to save yourself for your husband. You are feeling terribly guilty to have been as sexually active as you have been. And, because you feel so guilty, you assume that another man will judge you, as you judge yourself.So, see if you can make peace with your sexual urges and the sexual experimentation that you’ve done. Nowadays, most people do play the sexual field a bit before settling down with a life partner.
