Dear Dr. Love,I really need your help! I’m only 18 and already burdened with the hardships that come with relationships! I have been with my boyfriend since I was 16! I can honestly say he is my first love! He is very dear to me! Yet, recently, I have had feelings for another man! I have known him for 7 years but we have been merely acquaintences! This year we became closer friends! On a school trip we spent a lot of time together and all of a sudden all of these feelings for him came out!I found myself extremely attracted to him. We shared a kiss and I feel extremely guilty, eventhough it was an innocent kiss. Once we graduated the feelings seemed to have gone away, but last weekend I saw him again and all those feelings came back again!I know for a fact that my boyfriend means more to me than this other man but I can’t seem to get these feelings out of my head!What makes things even worse is that my boyfriend senses something is up between us and is extremely jealous!Also this other guy admitted to me that he had bee n in love with me for a long time! This just made my feelings for him even stronger! What’s wrong with me? Am I falling out of love with my boyfriend? Please Help!!!
Human beings are capable of feeling love and attraction for more than one person at a time. When a person agrees to go steady or get married, part of the commitment doesn’t include blinding yourself or deadening yourself from the waist down. And, because of this, you find yourself physically attracted to another man. That’s fine. But, here I go again, harping on the difference between feeling and acting. You must learn that you can feel attracted to other men and not act upon your desires. (The fact that you did partially act, by kissing him, is confusing you and making you feel guilty.)Once you know that you can control your behavior, then, you can feel free to think about other men, women, chickens, goats, whatever you want. You can feel desire for others, and even fantasize about having sex with them. This all normal. But, make sure that, if you want to keep the relationship with your boyfriend, that you separate your feelings and your actions.You said yourself that your boyfriend means more to you than anyone else. So, you have made a decision to commit to him. Now, make sure that you act according to your decision. So, your assignment, lover girl, if you decide to accept it, is for you to accept all your feelings, but don’t act them out, and don’t lay a guilt trip on yourself for feelings.
