I need help. I am seeing a lady who is 5yrs. older than me. (I am 32) She is divorced with a young daughter. I care deeply for her but she has fears about our age difference. Recently we had an argument and I hung up on her. I have apologized repeatedly, and expressed my feelings for her several times. She does not wish to see me yet. She will email me and speak to me on the phone. But when I asked to take her to a movie, she was not ready for that yet. It has been about two weeks.I care for her and want to have a meaningful relationship with her. What can I do to open her heart to me? Flowers and a candy and a fruit basket haven’t worked. Help me to share my love for her.
I think that your girlfriend is hanging back because she has mixed feelings about whether or not to allow you to become close to her again.Why? Her reluctance is likely due to the way you behaved (hanging up on her) during your recent fight. I know that millions of people allow themselves to go out of control when they are angry. They throw things, scream, call each other names, and so on. The problem is that while such behaviors may’release’the person who is venting, the partner on the receiving end feels dumped on, damaged and even unsafe.I suspect that she is hesitant to open up to you again because she knows that sooner or later you will act out your anger again. In order to win her heart back, you need to give her more than flowers. You need to make the commitment to change the way you act when you are angry.In my book, Till Death Do Us Part (Unless I Kill You First), I explain, step-by-step how to transform raw feelings of rage into communications that build a connection rather than break it. Read my book today and vow to stop acting out your anger in ways that damage the relationship.From here on in, promise yourself that when you become angry that you will use the following formula and nothing else. Say, ‘I felt X, when you did (or said) Y.’ Presenting your feelings in this way is a true present (far better than flowers and chocolates) that says I love you enough to curb my words and actions when I’m mad. I love you enough to hold you close to me even when I want to ring your neck.This type of change that I am talking about isn’t easy. It involves great maturity and personal evolution. It may sound impossible to accomplish to you now, but believe me, you can and will learn this skill. My book shows you how to do just taht. And, when you do, you will feel great about yourself.Meanwhile, you and your relationship will reap the rewards.