Dr. Love,My husband and me have been together 4 years and it has been great. However, I am usually very sexual but… lately I feel stuck if he trys to have sex with me. I look at him and want to have sex but if he touches me… I pull away.He seems to be angry I told him I know its not him, its me what can I do?
Any action that a person takes is motivated by thoughts and feelings. Many times these thoughts and feelings are not in our conscious awareness, which explains why we have no clue as to why we are acting the way we are.In order to understand the meaning behind the action that you are engaged in–pulling away from your husband when he approaches you for sex–ask yourself, ‘What feelings or thoughts could be leading me to act this way?’ You also might want to ask yourself, ‘What message am I sending him when I pull away and how do I want him to feel about my behavior?’Since your behavior is having the effect of pushing him away, I would have to guess that you are angry with him. So, don’t be so quick to say that it’s not him. Is he making you feel neglected and are you paying him back? Not wanting him to touch you sure sounds like you are mad at him for some reason.When you figure out what thoughts and feelings are behind your action, then take steps to directly address and resolve these issues. This will put an end to the pulling away, which is only going to make marital matters worse.
