I’ve been dating this girl for 3 months now and we were about to make love for the first time, well just before it was going to happen she stopped and said’ I don’t think I can do this, Your not him’ meaning her ex. This is really bothering me. What does it mean? She dated this man for 6 years and he cheated on her so she dumped him 18 months ago. We have talked about him before but this is the first time in bed.I have mentioned to her that she needed to get closure with that relationship. Either forgive him and take him back or Not. she says that she would never take him back. I’m falling for this girl and don’t want to get hurt. She tells me that she likes me a lot but the ex seems to come up a lot. Should I stay in this relationship? What should I say the next time she brings him up? Is there anything I can do?
I can’t tell you whether or not to stay with this girl that you are falling for. But, one thing is for sure, it sounds like you are heading for heartache.I would tell her that she doesn’t seem ready to commit to a relationship with you. I would tell her that even though she says she won’t take her ex. back, she is still with him in spirit. She can’t have sex with you because she’s thinking of him. In other words, like it or not, she’s still with him.I would also tell her that her feelings for her ex. are preventing her from being available to you. I would ask her why she thinks she can’t let go of him. I would ask her if she knows why she can’t allow herself to have sex with you? Does she still want to sleep with her ex.? I would ask her whether she would like to resolve her attachment to the ex.? And, if so, is she willing to talk with a therapist about why she can’t let go? If she says, no, then you need to ask yourself whether you want to form an attachment with someone who isn’t emotionally free.As it stands now, she is too conflicted to move forward with you, and unless she takes decisive action to resolve her feelings, we have no reason to believe that she will ever be ready for you. They say that times heals all things, but, in this case, there is no guarantee that she will ever give this man up without outside help.Before allowing yourself to go forward with this girl, you need to know that she is available for a relationship with you.Good luck.