Dear Dr. Love,I love my boyfriend very much but no matter what positon we have sex in, he cannot make me climax and he is also very quick shall we say and sometimes it really gets to me because im left so horny but i don’t want to say anything in case i hurt his feelings.I also sometimes have to fake it to make him feel better, what do i do?
Faking it is for the birds. If you make him feel better at your own expense, you are going to build resentment and neither he nor you is going to feel better at all when you finally blow an emotional gasket.Plus, the longer you fake it the harder it is going to be for you to ever develop a healthy sex life together. He will keep doing what he thinks works (but really doesn’t work) and you are going to feel more and more resentful that he isn’t hitting the spot.The relationship has break up written all over it if you don’t stop this cycle. What you need to do is come clean with him. Tell him that all couples need to teach each other what works and doesn’t work and the only way to figure this out is with lots of experimenting.By making the problem a universal issue, you are taking his ego out of the equation. Next, search my archives for articles on the stop-start technique and the squeeze technique. Explain to him that young men often ejaculate quickly and that waiting is something that takes practice. Make the practice fun and he will gradually be able to hold off.As for your not having an orgasm in intercourse, keep in mind that nearly two thirds of all women never orgasm from intercourse, no matter how long intercourse lasts. Keeping that in mind, you can try to increase the chances of your achieving orgasm by: 1) making foreplay last much longer so that you don’t begin intercourse until you are very aroused; 2) choose positions that naturally provide greater clitoral stimulation such as woman on top; and 3) manually stimulate your clitoris while you are having intercourse to heighten your arousal and pleasure.After you put all these steps in place let me know what comes about.