Dear Dr. Love,My boyfriend and I live together and have for the past 8 mo. I love him and he loves me, although I feel a lot of the support, understanding, caring, involvment is going all one way. . . from me to him.I’ve been having some trubles of my own recently and he has made it clear that my well-being is not even near the top of his priority list, when he knows he’s always been at the top of mine. . . . no doubt! I have tried confronting the problem and letting him know how I feel (I ‘m a very straight and forward person when it comes to talking things out). He says he understnads, but it hasn’t been any better. . . . I just don’t feel like we ‘re progessng towards anything anymore. . . . like I ‘m just ‘here ‘.Honestly speaking, I feel as if he doesn’t care. I don’t know what to do anymore. . . . Can you please help!!!Sincerely, ‘Doubting’
You have every reason to doubt. This man is not treating you like his number one. And, what’s worse, when you tell him about your feelings, he is unresponsive to you. My big question is this: Was he responsive to you early in the relationship? I have a feeling that he wasn’t ever really responsive. And, from the sound of your letter, there has been an imbalance in this relationship for a long time. Youve been the giver and he’s been the receiver.Are you interested to know why this imbalance is occurring? Many times we are drawn to partners that don’t meet our needs because we were accustomed to not having our needs met by our parents. So, we will choose ungiving partners, like our parents, and hope that we can make them give to us what we never got the first time around. I don’t know if this scenario fits for you or not.One thing is certain, when we are attempting to heal unfinished business, it is extremely hard to break free of the relationship. You know the saying, hopes springs eternal, and because of this hope, we don’t want to give up the fantasy that maybe today, he will change and begin to give. I understand the wish, but I ‘m afraid that your life will be heartache if he keep trying to get blood from a stone. Only you can decide how long you are willing to bang your head against the wall with this guy. I hope for your sake that it’s not forever. You deserve a partner that treat you like number one without your having to fight for it. Please let me know what happens.