Hi Dr. Love,I have recently broken up with my girlfriend of 13 months. We had such a great relationship but in the last month we both made some mistakes that made our relationship go downhill. Although we forgave each other, things weren’t quite the same.One day, to my suprise, on the phone she told me that she wanted a ‘break’ to figure out if we are meant for each other or not. She claims that her goal is to eventually get back together but I know she wants to experiment with other guys and that we are probably done for good.She says she still loves me and I still love her too. She wants to be best friends but I don’t think it’s healthy for us. I tried the friendship thing since we broke up and she really treated me bad. She appologized but I have refused to have anything to do with her outside of school (university). I don’t want to be the one dangling on the end of a string.I know that when she finds another guy, I will get pushed out of the picture, entirely. I am wondering if you think we need to talk about things? (either talk about them now, or spend time away from each other first) or do you think I should stop wasting my time and move on??One more thing. . I bought her a $500 ring a couple weeks before we broke up. . I asked for it back but she refuses to give it back. She says that it is hers and will always be hers. I know that I gave it to her as a gift but I feel like I was taken for. . . .I feel like she took the ring and ran. . (because she knew ahead of time that I was buying her a ring) everybody I have talked to think that she should give it back. . just for the fact that she dumped me. Everybody says that if I was the one that ended it with her or cheated on her or did something of that nature, that I would not be intitled to my ring back. I agree.Can I please have your opinion on what I should do? . . I have talked to her about i and she is strongly opposed to giving it back. I have talked to her parents (because they are my last hope in getting it back, but they don’t really want to get involved. . .they claimed that their daughter is fair-minded and that we can work things out. . . . well. . right now, their daughter is anything but fair-minded. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. .thank you very much!
You are very clear on your position. You don’t want to be left to dangle. You are being treated like a puppet on a string and that clearly isn’t a healthy position for you to be in.This girl treats you like an object, not a person with feelings. She dropped you, then treated you badly afterwards, and now has the audacity to keep your ring. Why would you want to be friendly with someone who treats you like that!I understand why you want the ring back. You feel like you have given more than you’ve received and you feel used and cast aside. Her keeping the ring symbolizes all of this inequity.Unfortunately, once you give a gift, it’s gone and can’t be taken back. The gift says everything about you and your generosity. You can view this $500 as an educational investment. You learned a lot about this girl before it was too late.Imagine how much you would have spent in time, money, and emotional energy had she revealed her true colors farther down the line. Consider yourself lucky. You got off easy. You could have had a life sentence with her.
