Ok. . . this is really stupid quesiton probably, but here goes. . . Me and my boyfriend of 3 years have decided that we want to have sex with each other. We are both 20 years old and both virgins in the sense that we have not engaged in penis to vagina insertion.We tried to have sex a while back, but we were unable to insert his penis. We just tried again this weekend. We had a full 72 hours of just being together and lots of no-pressure alone time. . . still we were not able to get him inserted.I was streched a good bit and could tell that b/c I am now able to use a small vibrator that I was not able to use before. Are we doing something insanely wrong or what? Should I perhaps purchase a bigger dildo and attempt stretching myself more?I’m not sure what to do. We were using a lubricated condoms, but they didn’t seem to help much. And as soon as we had gotten his tip in, he went soft from pushing so hard. Please help! Desparate for an answer
No, you aren’t doing anything wrong, in fact you shouldn’t need to be jumping through hoops (stretching yourself, etc. ) in order to succeed at having him enter you. Remember, the woman’s body is designed to stretch to accomodate the birth of a baby, and women don’t use tools to stretch themselves in order to prepare for labor!So, by all means, stop stretching yourself and let’s take a step back and figure out what’s going wrong. Before you do anything else, have a visit to a gynecologist, just to make sure that your anatomy is fine. A fusion of the labia (lips of the vagina) can actually close off access to the vagina. So, get checked.Let’s assume that your check-up says that you are physically fine. So, what else could be causing the impasse? There is a condition called vaginisimus, which is an involuntary spasm of the lower portion of the vagina. When the contractions occur, the muscles clamp down, like gates slamming shut, and nothing can enter the vagina.Vaginisimus is most often caused by unconscious conflicts regarding sex. It is also common for women who have been sexually abused to develop vaginisimus. If this is your case, the condition won’t improve until the underlying issues are identified and resolved.Vaginisimus can also result from a physical problem. For example, a painful infection, or vaginal dryness (as occurs during menopause) can cause the body to tighten, as if bracing for pain.I don’t think that this possibility fits your case since you didn’t report having pain. At this point, your next step is to see the doctor. If all is fine, then explore what emotional factors could be causing this symptom. Ideally this type of exploration should be done in therapy.Good luck and let me know what happens.