I’m a 28-yr-old female. I have been diagnosed with chronic clinical depression, have done meds and therapy several times and am presently without either.I also have chronic vulvodynia, so sex has always been very painful–I know this can be linked to depression. I am angry, my self-esteem is low (starting with the ‘mean kids’in childhood) and I have little hope for the future.Suicide is a daily contemplation, but ultimately I don’t think that ‘s for me. And the realization that I can’t even take that route out only makes me more depressed, withdrawn and angry.I have no reason to get up in the morning. Friendships are few and unrewarding, romantic relationships have been a rotten series of 2-month horrors that left me feeling abandoned and obsessed with the man and the details, no matter how nonessential or undeserving either is. My relationship with my father is difficult because he’s an alcoholic, my brother and I also have a strained relationship dating from childhood rivalry.Ironically, I am considered very attractive and people are surprised I’m single. I’m petite, pretty, artistically gifted, intellectual, witty and I’m a professional with advanced degrees. But I’m undermined if someone is unkind.I attract abusive, damaged people whom I reject or who reject me–but then I become desperate for their validation. Thus begins the obsessing over the people, the events, the details–for months, sometimes years–and all over people I knew only a few months.I’ve tried all the therapy tricks–facing my anger, revisiting my childhood, acknowledging this and that. None of it helps because I overanalyze even that.I’m drowning in these obtrusive thoughts and obsessive remembrances and replays. I wonder if the guys who dumped me–abusive losers tho I know they were–were somehow right about me, or I start to wonder if they were REALLY that bad, if I’m not missing something because they aren’t in my life.And I’m angry that even sex hurts. Can you offer any insights??