I am a 28 year old female who has come to realize that I am hopelessly in love with a male co-worker. I have known this man for eight years since college and have had feelings for him all along. I have always had a weight problem, and until this last year have had no real sense of self-worth. I have made drastic changes in my life as far as losing weight, getting healthier and basically realizing how much I have to offer.As for him, he divorced his wife of three years last Spring, and I have been battling with myself as to whether or not I wish to start something with him. I know he cares for me, and I don’t think I have misread the way he looks at me.The two of us spend a great deal of time kidding around, giving each other a hard time and looking into one another ‘s eyes a little longer than usual. I asked him out in college and he made up some excuse, (and of course I didn’t realize at the time he was involved with a mutual friend who was separated from her husband), and am afraid of rejection once again. Still I am more afraid of spending the rest of my life crying myself to sleep because I love someone I am not with.Can you help me out? I feel sometimes as if I should just move on and try to get over how I feel and remain friends.Definitely In A Dilemma.
I would say that you have a choice to make here. Either, tell this man that you want to date him and run the risk of another rejection; or play it safe and live with the despair of unrequited love. How can you decide which option to choose? Here’s what I think you need to focus on: feelings of pain.Both choices may lead to pain, but, in the case of hanging back forever, pain in guaranteed. Whereas, if you take a chance and approach this guy, you may have pain (if he doesn’t agree to date you) but you also may have pleasure (if he agrees). So, you need to do an emotional cost-benefit analysis and decide which choice brings you the greatest chance of happiness, and the least chance for pain.Remember, if you do nothing, you know you will have pain indefinitely. If you go for it and he declines, you will have the pain of rejection, but this pain will fade and you can move on to greener love pastures. You sound like such a doll and if this guy doesn’t date you, I wouldn’t take his decline as a sign that you are defective.Did it ever occur to you that something may be wrong with him? Maybe he’s afraid of intimacy or commitment. I say this because he clearly likes you, but hasn’t made a move. So, what’s his problem?So, do your cost-benefit analysis and choose one avenue. This solves your dilemma. I hope he isn’t too damaged to take you up on your offer (if you decide to approach).