Dr. Love,Two questions, 1st, what kind of degrees and education do you have to have this position I would be really interested to know what kind of qualifications you have. if you could just mail me back your response.Please help me with the following. . . 2nd My girlfriend and I have been going out for almost a year now and we are much in love with each other, however, it seem lately that she gets upset over things that I don’t notice that I do, Like things that I do everyday that bother her Im not sure what.I try to get her to tell me what’s the matter but I often have to get to the point where I sound like a broken record saying ‘tell me, what’s wrong? ‘she says all most all the time that she doesn’t want to tell me, or that she doesn’t want to talk. I find it very hard to understand anything in our relationship when there is a problem. And I feel like im just adding fuel to the fire when I keep asking’tell me, what’s wrong?’What can I make her do to open up to me just a little bit more?Signed,Frustrated.
You can read about my credentials in the About Dr. Love section of my web site.Regarding your second question, ‘What can I do to make her open up to me just a little bit more?’, here goes.You notice you used the word ‘make’ when you said open up. The more you try to make anyone do anything, the more they resist you. It’s simple human nature.You were on the right track when you said that you sensed that your constant pressuring was adding’fuel to the fire.’ You’re correct. So what can you do to help not make her open up? First thing: stop pressuring her to open up. She resists when you pressure her, so stop fighting city hall. The techinique I am suggesting you use is called ‘joining the resistance’ and, believe me, it works to overcome the block.So how can you join your girlfriend’s resistance to talk? The next time she seems upset say: ‘I see you’re upset. When you’re ready to tell me about it, let me know.’ And then walk away or change subjects. Let her feel unpressured. Let her chase you. And she will.
