My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 4 months. We both love each other very much. I really want to spend the rest of my life with him. But lately we been arguing 24/7 and i’m miserable because I hate arguing with him. I want us to start getting along because we both want this relationship to work.Please can you give me any advice on how we can get along and stop all this fighting. I want our relationship to be like it was when we first got together. Any advice you can give me will be greatly appreciated!! Thanks alot
I have the idea that you both are not listening well enough to each other. When this happens, both partners become more frustrated and they shout louder, hoping to be finally heard. But, ears click off when voices rise.In January my new book will be hitting the bookstores. This books shows couples how to resolve their conflicts. The title is, ‘Till Death Do Us Part (Unless I Kill You First). So, make sure that you pick up a copy in January.Meanwhile, here’s what you can do to get started on breaking this horrible cycle. Agree to take turns listening to each other. Give each other ten minute turns. When one person is speaking, the other is to simply listen, state back what was said to show that an attempt to listen is being made.When restating what you heard, ask, ‘Did I understand?’ If you did not, the speaker is to correct your perception. Once again, restate what you heard and ask if you understood. Understanding alone can help to deescalate a fight.Also, the listener must make sure to not defend, justify, argue, or try to talk the speaker out of his or her feelings. Feelings aren’t wrong or right. They simply are what they and they need to be respected and understood. I hope that this puts you both on the path to peace.
