Dear Dr. Turndorf,I am starting to fall for a girl that I have known for three and one half years. We have been friends for just as long. She was the girlfriend of a good friend of mine for two years. They just broke up about two months ago.About two months before that she told me that I was the best friend she had, which caught me off guard. We have always gone out for a cup of coffee or a chat since we met. She broke up with my friend because he recently went to go to school in Charleston, South Carolina for College. Since his career goals do not fit into hers she decided to call it off.Since the break up I have tried to give her some space, but since we are friends I try to help. Now I find myself falling for her. Should I attempt to date her or should I let this die out and remain faithful for to my friend.Confused in Texas
You are prepared to be faithful to your male friend by not allowing yourself to pursue a romantic involvement with his ex. . Before you make such a sacrifice, you should be sure that your friend would actually value such an offering.It’s not as if you stole your male friend’s girl. It’s also true that her break up with him had nothing to do with you. It’s entirely possible that your friend would accept your dating his ex. and it would be a shame to give up a possibly wonderful relationship with this woman out of a misguided sense of loyalty.What you need to do is talk with your male friend and tell him honestly that you’d like to date his ex. . Tell him that you are afraid to offend him and have been considering making the sacrifice to not date her for the sake of preserving your friendship with him.Then ask him if he would be offended and if your friendship would be in jeopardy if you were to date her. If he says that ‘s it’s fine to see her, your problem is solved. If, on the other hand, he says that he would resent you for dating his ex. , then you have a hard decision to make.Ultimately, you will need to decide whether you are willing to give up having a romantic relationship with this woman and keep the friendship with him or vice versa.Let me know what happens.