Dear Dr. Love,About a month ago my now ex-boyfriend broke up with me, for reasons that are still unclear to me. We had not been going out for a very long time but both of us had said that we had never felt this strongly about anyone this soon before. He started becoming distant with me, so naturally I asked him why. He said that he loved me and that he cared for me more than I knew.I have never had anyone tell me that they loved me before and to hear him say that me just made my heart fly. But even though he said those three little words, two days later he told me that he saw me as just a friend! I don’t understand how in the world he could go from loving me to being just a friend. He really hurt me and when i tried to tell him that I loved him, I just really had to get it off my chest, he passed out!! He said that it was because of low blood sugar, but who really knows.The next day he said that he didn’t rememeber any of our conversation the night before even though he was talking to me. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him again. The problem is I still see him on a daily basis and it is extremely hard being around him sometimes. We are still friends but i want more.I guess my real question is why did he say he loved me then turn around and say I was a friend? A mutual friend of ours asked him why we broke up and he said that he realized I wasn’t his type, but up until that incident we had never had any problems. I am confused as to what I should do, sometimes I feel like I’m getting signals that he wants me back, which I would like very much. I am just not sure what to do, if anything. Is it better to just move on or should I follow my heart?Confused by Love
You poor thing. This guy is putting you through the ringer.You asked me to explain to you how he can tell you that he loves you and then say that you’re not his type. I know you want more of a relationship, but it doesn’t sound like this guy is capable of more. He is literally scared to death of intimacy. Many men are. These fears are often beyond their awareness–they are completely locked away in the unconscious mind.Why is your friend’s unconscious mind so terrified of intimacy? Often such fears relate back to childhood traumas. Let’s say a person was abandoned or abused as a child and learned that intimacy was hurtful or even dangerous. With this background, adult intimacy will be terrifying (what if I am hurt again by closeness. ) Other men are afraid that giving themselves to love will mean a type of death–that they will be swallowed up and disappear. These types of fears occur when the psyche is fragile and the unconscious mind fears that the self will be lost entirely when it joins in love. I ‘m getting very technical here.Just keep in mind that whatever went wrong had nothing to do with you. You seem able and ready to love. You have a guy here who isn’t. In fact, he is so terrified of love that his mind makes him pass out or develop amnesia when he gets near it! I think you need to move on and find the love you are ready for and deserve.