Dear Dr. Love:My problem may seem like a cliche to you. But it is tearing me up inside, nonetheless. I am in a very happy relationship with a man. We have lived together for six years, we have a baby together.The problem is, for the past 6 years, I have had a HUGE crush on his brother. Its like I am obsessed with him. I think of him all day and all night. Ever time I make love to my man, I think of him. I drive by where he works, I think up lame excuses to drive by his house. I have never told the brother how I feel. He is married. Im sure he wouldnt mind a quick fling. But I am concerned with the repercussions.My question to you is: Do you think that if I were to sleep with him just once, I could get over this obsession?Sincerely, Confused
You said twice that you aren’t sure if you love him any more.I have to wonder if you are angry with him over the fact that you’ve had to support him.It seems that you are also not pleased by the fact that you weren’t able to send money to support your mother. And now that he has money coming in he’s sending it to his mother instead of putting the money into your own household.The fact that he’s so generous with his mother is a very good sign. When a man loves his mother he is demonstrating his ability to love women.I think the issue here is that you have hard feelings toward him.The bottom line is this: No matter how much we love one another, conflicts and the angry feelings that go with those conflicts are inevitable in our intimate relationships. If we don’t know how to resolve our conflicts, anger can easily overtake the relationship. Unresolved anger is the no. 1 killer of love.Your unresolved anger is definitely threatening your love for him. I think you’re angry because you haven’t spoken up.In other words, you are allowing him to send half his income to his mother, and you resent it. But you must take responsibility and speak up for yourself.Tell him that you aren’t comfortable with so much money being sent to his mom.Then, you need to talk about your values in terms of how much he thinks should be sacrificed for his mother. You may have a value clash here. We won’t know until you talk.Does he believe that he should go without in order to help her?Once you are clear on where you both stand, then you can talk about a plan that works.I also think you may be feeling hurt that he’s putting his mother ahead of your financial comfort. If that’s so, speak about that too.Talking is the solution to what’s ailing you.When you stop biting your tongue and swallowing your anger, your love should shine through again. Presuming that he’s responsive to you and comes up with a plan that embraces you.Talking is the key.
