Hi Dr. Love,I have a problem and really hope you can help me.I am a 25 year old female and have a female close friend. We’ve been friends for 12 years but inseperable in the last 2.I’ve had several boyfriends in the past. We go out all the time. Last year I confessed to her that I was attracted to women and was really interested in dating somebody of my own sex.She was fine with and admitted to being attracted to women too. She told me that someday her an I were going to experiment with each other but first she would try a man (she’s 22 and still a virgin).Ever since than that’s all think about. One of my friends asked her if she would ever consider having a lesbian relationship with me and she said ‘Yes’ because with my experience I could really satisfy her.Recently I’ve confessed to her how attracted I was to her. She is now dating a younger guy and I feel extremely jealous.I don’t know what to do? I don’t if I shoud still try to persuade the experience she promised me? Could she possibly be interested? I don’ t know if it happens if it will jeopardize the friendship. She knows I’m jealous because I’ve told her several times and she understands.confused
I think you already know the answer to the question you asked me. You, yourself, called him a silly boy! This guy is anything but reliable. He’s in town, out of town, his phone isn’t with him, he’s using a friend’s phone, his phone isn’t working, he’ll text you in the morning and doesn’tâ€¦I want you to know that you’ve fallen into a common female trap, which I call Love Sleuthing. When in this trap, a woman devotes boundless psychic energy into trying to decipher the mystery behind a man’s psyche and/or actions. What a waste of your precious energy!Love Sleuthing is a form of mental masturbation, minus the pleasure! Why give yourself a mental callus trying to figure him out. It hardly matters whether he has a girlfriend, whether he’s a player or an intimacy or commitment phobic. Who cares! He’s shown himself to be anything but the real deal. He’s not behaving like a serious suitor or a mature and serious man. As you said, he’s behaving like a silly boy.So the real question here is why you would even want to give him the time of day?I suggest that you focus back onto yourself. The first thing I want you to see is that your self-esteem could use some plumping up. For one thing, a bad breakup can really erode one’s self-confidence. If you felt better about yourself, you wouldn’t be giving this man another moment of your time or another speck of your gray matter.Not only is your pursuit of him a symptom of a low self-esteem, continuing to pursue or invest energy in a man who isn’t responsive only lowers your self-esteem further.Now I know everyone says that modern women have the power to pursue men. And you certainly are free to do this. But when you keep doing all the heavy lifting, you aren’t giving yourself the chance to sit back and let the guy show just how serious he is about you. A guy needs to feel that he must work to win you. When you do the pursuing, you are sending the message that you don’t feel like a prize he needs to win!Read my book, Make Up Don’t Break Up. There’s a chapter in the book about how to raise what I call your Personal Net Worth. When you feel better about yourself, you will attract better and more worthy men, and you will never again consider wasting your time with a guy like this.I also suggest you take a look at whether you are unconsciously drawn to a man that you know won’t come throughâ€”perhaps because you’re afraid of becoming involved and getting hurt again.There’s a good chance that your past relationship traumatized you and even opened up older wounds from childhood. As I often say, we are all driven to recreate the most painful and dysfunctional relationships from our childhood in the hopes of healing our Old Scars. If this sounds like your case, I invite you to identify your Old Scars and heal them, using my book Till Death Do Us Part. Once you’re healed, you will be ready to form a relationship with someone who will cherish the best parts of you rather than just repeat your old pain.