Dearest Doctor Love,My boyfriend and I have been umm, active for a while, and he won’t use a condom.I’ve heard of sponges and I think he might like those, but I can’t find a store that sells them. You know I love my guy and all but I don’t know who he’s been with!Should I get tested for AIDS or something? Do you think my boyfriend should? Should we stop frigging?Well…thanks, ConcernedP. S. -Do you know a place where I can get sponges?
Your question is three-fold:Should you stop having sex, should you be concerned about AIDS and where can you find sponges.First question. Yes, you should be concerned. You had unprotected sex with a man who has had other partners before becoming involved with you. Even if he has slept with only one other person beside you, you are at risk.It’s a bit late to ask me whether you should stop ‘frigging’. If your partner is infected, you could have already contracted a disease. And, stopping sexual relations now would be like bolting the barn door after the horse has fled.At this point, you both need to have an AIDS test. Until the results come back you should only have protected sex (with a condom). And, that includes using a condom for oral sex as well. I know that giving fellatio ( oral sex on a man) to a man who is wearing a condom is like sucking on a rubber tire, but it’s better than ending up dead!As for you, if you have had any other partners besides him, then you should wear a latex dam over your vulva when he goes down on you. You can make a dam by cutting open a condom and placing on top of your genitals before he gives you oral sex.Once you both receive a negative AIDS test, here’s the deal. If neither of you has had sex with anyone other than each other for the last six months, then you can consider yourselves safe to have unprotected sex.If, however, either of you has had sex with someone else in the last six months, then you need to get retested a second time (making sure that you are being tested six months after your last sexual encounter with someone else). Until these second test results come in you must continue having only protected sex.As for the sponge, it was taken off the market, I believe, because it wasn’t a reliable form of birth control. In any case, a sponge would not give you any protection against AIDS or STDS (sexually transmitted diseases) so, even if it were available, it’s not a birth control option for you now anyway.Once your second HIV tests come back negative, then you can look into alternatives to the condom. Check with your gynecologist for other forms of birth control. Many women do well with a diaphram or cervical cap.The draw-back of these methods is that you have to insert them prior to intercourse, which can break the flow of passion. One way to get around this glitch is to insert these devises beforehand (if you have advance warning that sex is on the program).What’s good about these methods is that your partner won’t feel a loss of sexual sensation, as can be the case with a condom. So both of you get tested and then when all is cool you can find a substitute for the condom. Meanwhile you both with have to put up with them if you want to be sexually active.