I am a 33 year old woman. I don’t have a boyfriend, in fact I’ve never even dated a guy, although I admire this one particular guy a lot. I got his phone number from a friend, but the problem is I don’t have the guts to talk to him.I’m a rather shy woman by nature and I just don’t know what to say or how to begin. But I know that I have to overcome my shyness so that I could get to know him and win his heart. I’m just afraid that he might reject me and put down the phone.I’ve tried calling his number several times, but every time he answers I just don’t have a clue what to say or how to begin.Please help.
You sound adorable. First of all, I think it’s too scary for you to cold call this man and start up a conversation.Let’s see if we can find a less overt approach. I assume that you have had the opportunity to see this man in person–seeing him in person is how you realized that you were attracted to him in the first place!So, a good thing to do is to arrange to be where you know you’ll see him. It would be good if you could arrange to bump into him again and again. When you do see him, give him what I call ‘Green Lights, ‘ that is broadcast your interest via approachable body language and other signals.To do this, smile, make eye contact, move closer to him, say hi, and face him with your body. Studies show that while we think that men are the ones you generally make the first move, in reality it is the women who make the first move by sending out green lights. Very few men actually approach a woman before she has given him the signal that she’s willing to be approached! So, don’t kid yourself, guys are just as shy as you are.After you bump into him and give him the green lights, let him take it from there. If he is painfully shy, you could consider striking up a conversation with him. To get his attention, you can ask an interested question or say something positive to him–such as what you notice about him, what’s attractive about him, whatever you can comfortably say without passing out on the spot!Remember, we humans are drawn to people who are interested in us and who have positive feelings for us. There’s another avenue you could explore and this is to go through the friend who gave you his number. She obviously knows him well enough to have his number and we could ’employ’ her a matchmaker.There are many things that she could do to nudge things along. She could tell him that she has a friend that she’d like to introduce him to and then she could give him your number. She could also be more direct and say that she has a friend who has noticed him and would like to get to know him better and then ask him if he would like her to make the introduction in person or if he would like you to call him or vice versa.I think that there is a way to get this show on the road and I don’t think that you need to traumatize yourself by calling a strange man outright. You have other options to try first. Let me know how you make out with him. . . . and I do mean make out in every sense of the word!
