I had a 5 year affair with a married man. He was married for 37 years and I for 26 years. We loved each other. We both knew where we stood with each other, what to expect from each other and promised not to cross the lines.We both had good marriages and wanted to keep them in tact. He was in a high profile position in our community. He knew my family and I know his.For the last 2-3 years there was not a lot of sex. Because of his position we could not take any chances being seen together. So our affair consisted mainly of phone calls, talking a social functions, longing looks and stolen kisses.At the age of 59 he had a massive heart attack and died instantly. I had teased him about not taking care of himself and me waking one morning to read of his death in the newspaper. Had my daughter not heard of his death and called me late one night that is exactly what would have happened.It has been six weeks and I am coming to terms with this but I am so depressed I want to cry all the time. I have explained this depression to my husband as being caused by other things in my life (death of family, illness in the family, empty nest syndrome). what can I do to get beyond this overwhelming depression?My heart is breaking for his wife and children as well. I think the world of them but I am afraid to offer my sympathy for fear of loosing control of my emotions.
Here’s the problem. The sadness, loss and grief that you feel is being kept under wraps, because you can’t openly share your feelings with your husband, or your lover’s family. The fact that you must closet your feelings is making you feel all the worse.This is because the open expression of feelings is what helps a person to heal from a loss. Your loss is, therefore, harder to get over as compared to someone whose relationship was out in the open.I want you to find a place where you can speak freely about him. What you loved about him. What you miss. Your grieving process needs to done in the presence of another human being.You can find a therapist to talk to. Your conversations will be strictly confidential. Or, you can write me letters and tell me all about your feelings and what you loved in him. Just start and keep talking, and you will find that your feelings of depression begin to lift.My best wishes to you.
