Dear Dr. Love,I think one of the hardest things for two people to do, is to have a genuine empathy for the other ‘s feelings. All our own feelings and experiences tend to cloud our comprehension of what another may, or may not be feeling. For this reason, I find it difficult to understand how one person could ‘fall out of love’ with another, such as my wife claims in our case. I can understand obstacles being placed in a person’s path of optimism, which would allow for more of the negative things that occur in a relationship to be focused upon rather than the positive things.It’s kind of like the glass is seen as either half-full or half-empty. . . I don’t personally believe that one person can ‘make’ another person fall in love with them. All they can do is minimize the obstacles that might get in the way of the person’s own love developing and growing. So when my wife agrees to stick around and let me try to make things better between us, it is difficult to know where to start.My wife has always place a higher importance on ‘sex’ while I desire romance and intimacy. (Sounds like role reversal, doesn’t it?) Because of this, neither of us have consistently been fulfilled through our sex lives together. I was, and am willing to adjust and change as needed to improve our relationship, but she has sought the easier approach of going outside our marriage for sexual fulfillment.This ‘distraction’ only added to the problems that existed in the rest of our relationship, since it led to the inevitable lies, and drove us farther apart. I can honestly say that the idea of my wife having sex with another man does not bother me. In fact, I have fantasized about her with other men, and become aroused. As far as the whole incident goes, I am bothered more by the fact that by having the affair, she was, basically giving up on trying to resolve our problems, and giving up on our relationship.Ok, so when I told her to make a decision between him and me, she decided to stay with me. No other commitments have been made by her. She says she feels no desire for me, and that the lack of sex in our relationship will doom it. It’s the basic ‘caught between a rock and a hard spot’ scenario, in that our relationship won’t improve without sex, but sex isn’t going to happen until our relationship improves. Any thoughts you have on this would be greatly appreciated.Thanks for your time. Regards