HELLO DR LOVE, My name is kerry. . I hope you can help me. .I have known this guy for a few mths now, sex is out of this world but unfortunatley conversation is nearly non existant, But it is not on his part, it is me. .Im an extrovert when im out with a crowd, but get me one on one with a male and im so quiet, i bore myself. . Why cant i make conversation easily. . . I thought maybe because it might be that i don’t know how he really feels about me, and i spose im too shy to express how i really feel. .Does it make a difference to someone once they know where they stand?? He is a pretty quiet person himself, but i cant stand the not much convo between us. Why am i so quiet when that is not the real me. . .
I think that you are very close to understanding why you bite your tongue with your guy.You gave an important clue when you said, ‘I don’t know how he really feels about me.’ What your sentence is telling us is that you are afraid to open admit to liking him before you know how he feels about you.In short, your silence is an unconscious defense mechansim, a way of protecting you from painful feelings of hurt, rejection, humiliation, and so on. The problem with defense mechanisms is that they often bite you in the butt.You see, your silence makes you less appealing, so your worst fear may very well come true. He may become disinterested in you, which means you will feel all the hurt, rejection and humiliation that your silence is supposed to protect you from! What can you do?Instead of silencing yourself across the board, be selective in what you say. Tell him your thoughts and feelings on all kinds of safer topics. Also ask him questions about himself, his history, his likes and dislikes. Get him talking about his favorite subject–himself.Humans are always drawn to people who show interest in them. When you feel safer, gradually move into telling him what you like about him. It is normal to tell a friend what traits you find appealing, so why wouldn’t you give your boyfriend the same fine treatment?Again, humans are endeared to people who admire them and let them know about it. As you open your heart and tell him what is great and wonderful about him, forget about yourself. Your ego isn’t at stake here at all.When you tell him what is delightful about him, you are not asking for a lifetime commitment or marriage, you are just telling him about himself. In other words, you don’t risk rejection or humiliation by opening your heart and describing his fine traits.By speaking from the heart, without asking him for any emotional declarations in return, he will grow fonder and fonder of you, and soon he will be telling you what he likes about you.Love is like a tennis game. Serve the ball, and he will bounce it back. Let me know how you do.
