I have something that I am having a hard time getting over. There is this guy that I am trying to get away from. We used to be good friends and now I am the one that wants to pull away. The thing is we work together and I can’t get away.The one thing that I fear is what he says about me to my fellow co-workers. I also fear that he will ignore me if another girl is around. I know that is strange, but I had feelings for him at one point in time. That is the one reason I want to get away from him. I don’t like the pain that I feel when I see or hear him with another women. It’s like I am not good enough for him.He knows how I feel and I feel he only brings up women to piss me off. He will go out of his way just to bring women up, even though that may not even be the subject. I can’t take this emotional roller coaster any longer, but I have no idea how to get away from him if I work with the person.It would not be that hard if the job that I had I could just walk away, but I can not. I am a guard so I have to be right next to him and see him all the time. It is a constant reminder of a loss that I can never have.Any advice would be great.Thanks.
I know you said that you no longer have feelings for this guy, but I think that you may be fooling yourself on this one. You wouldn’t be experiencing such fear that he will ignore you if another woman is around and you wouldn’t feel such pain when you see or hear him with another woman or whenever he brings up the subject of another woman if you didn’t still care for this guy.I also see that your self-esteem is very low. You fear what he might say about you to others because you don’t feel good enough about yourself. If you felt better, you wouldn’t care what he said to your co-workers.Plus, you interpret his talking to other women as a sign that you aren’t good enough. Your interpretation is both a sign of a low self-esteem as well as a cause of it! Each time you put yourself down for not being good enough, you drive your self-esteem a little lower.In reality, he’s the one who isn’t good enough. He is a sadist who brings up other women simply to get at you. He’s mean and knows how to hit you where it hurts you most. Instead of feeling angry at him, you turn the anger back on yourself and say that you aren’t good enough.My advice to you is to find your anger and learn to direct it off of your poor psyche. Each time you feel the urge to put yourself down, realize that you are protecting him from your angry feelings. Consciously redirect the anger back at him. You don’t need to tell him you’re mad, it’s enough that you change how you think and feel.When you stop misdirecting your anger back onto yourself, you will feel less pained and you won’t find it intolerable to be around him.
