Dr Love,I enjoy sex immensely however I refrain from having sex often because I have been unable to please my partner. That is to say I have no ability to ‘ride’ him.I am now just at the beginning of a new relationship and I don’t want this to be a problem. I don’t know what to do. Even when I try I seem awful and very unpleasing to both myself and my partner.
Learning to ride a man isn’t different from learning to ride a bike! It takes practice. The first times you tried to ride a bike, I am sure you were absolutely awful.But, children aren’t self-conscious the way adults are. They trip, stumble, fall, get up, and try again and again until they get it right. The same trial and error applies to intercourse.However, since you were an adult when you began learning to ride a man, you became very uncomfortable when you didn’t ace the skill from the starting gate. What you need is a lover who is as patient with your learning attempts as a parent would be. Take your time, don’t worry if you fall and trip, just practice.You can also do some homework. Learning to gyrate your hips is a skill that is cultivated in dance (especially jazz) class. You might experiment with Yoga and other forms of exercise. You could even begin at home, lying on your back, tilting your hips side to side, front and back, back and forth. These muscles need to get in shape and become flexible in order for you to replicate these movements in intercourse.Last but not least, your ability to ride isn’t the only way to please a man. You have a hand and a mouth. Become expert with them. Many men report having their best orgasms through good manual and oral stimulation.Above all, beware of your tendency to feel inadequate and put yourself down. If you feel bad about your sexual skills, this will translate to your partner. So, stop trashing yourself. You just need some practice.