Dear Dr. Love,The following not seem all that important on the surface, but this issue is slowing making me very depressed. 10 years ago at age 38 I got divorced.Determined to find some silver lining in the trauma, I vowed not to get involved with another woman until I was emotionally healed and had experienced some personal growth. I worked through my crisis by attending group therapy and reading A LOT of books.In my opinion, I become a newer, smarter, healthier version of myself 5 years ago at the age of 43. Today, at age 48, I cannot meet any women for a casual conversation let alone a meaningful date. The only women I know are married friends and married co-workers.I have tried to meet women but I just keep coming up empty–I go to the library, book stores, happy hour at local pubs, etc. Even though I have many friends in my life and in athletic circles, it seems that EVERYone is married.I do not consider myself desperate or feel that I am searching too hard, but this is really starting to effect me. I’m tired of being around my married friends because I don’t want to be the 5th wheel any longer; I find that I am becoming more & more isolated, and that I’m becoming very depressed.I don’t know if I live in a demographic black hole or what. I’ve thought of running a personal ad in hopes of drawing out a single woman my age, but the idea embarrasses me to death. And I don’t think I should join some personal interest group that I have no interest in–I would feel like a fraud. What’s a man to do? Thanks for your time, Can’t Meet Anyone
I know that you consciously want to find another relationship, but I’m not sure that your unconscious mind shares the plan.If you notice, each possiblity that you presented for meeting a woman ( personals, personal interest groups) were rejected out of hand. Each positive suggestion is met with a resistance that immoblizes you.In other words, some part of your psyche is shooting your dating efforts in the foot.So, I think you need to explore what part of you doesn’t want to be involved. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, etc. . When you identify what really is going on, I think you will not need to put up so many obstacles to dating.In other words, these resistances are merely a smokescreen that conceals the real issue. That you aren’t 100% ready to find someone new. When you resolve the internal blocks to moving forward, then you should be willing to do whatever it takes. Personal ads. or interests groups in subjects that actually do interest you.Good luck.
