Dear Dr. Love,I hope you can help me or give me advice. I ‘m a 22-year old Asian college student that ‘s going to graduate and move onto the real world ( job world) in 1 weeks. I only started caring about looking for a girlfriend when I was a freshman in college. So far, I’ve had absolutely no success, I’ve never been in a relationship. I’ve been interested in many different people, but I’ve had no luck in moving beyond friendship. My major is computer science, so unfortunately, there are very few females in the major (unlike certain other majors).I still live in the dorms, which in the past was a good way to meet people. . . but now, as I ‘m in my fifth year, many people that I know have either moved out of the dorms or graduated. A a result, I feel like I don’t really know many people anymore. Some of the time, I seem to be in competition with other guys for a girl I ‘m interested, and so far, each time that ‘s happened, I’ve lost. . . :(My new job will be in a completely different state, and I’ve interned there twice before, and from what I’ve seen at least at that company (a software company), it’s definitely not good prospecting ground either mainly because there weren’t many females and everybody’s somewhat older and usually already involved. Can you give me some advice as to what to do?
You sound like an intelligent man and a good friend to many women. The problem being that you never succeed in moving beyond friendship with women, and that when you compete with other guys for the same girl, you lose. You must be sad, frustrated and wondering if there is something wrong with you. I ‘m sure there isn’t. It just sounds like what’s wrong here is your strategy.In order to get to the bottom of your problem, I would need to know more information than your letter supplies. For example, I don’t have a clear picture on what you say to women, and what they say back. I am wondering if you are painfully shy. Do you tell your women friends that you are interested in developing a romantic relationship, or do you wait for it to happen (or not happen?) In the absence of more solid info., I can only make guesses.Here are a few: Women fall for men that make them feel like number one. It is possible that you don’t communicate to the women you are interested in how and why they are special to you. According to research, we are drawn to people who makes us feel valued, and say positive things to us. So, do a little self-examination and see if I am correct. That is, find out if it’s true that you are not telling the women you like, why you like them and what you like about them.If you realize that I am correct, then make a conscious effort to put your admiring thoughts into words. If you still come up dry, please contact me again so that we can go deeper into all the variables.
