I am involved with a man that I have some concerns about. He hangs up the phone if you say something he doesn’t like, he accuses me of being unfaithful, he gets angry at the drop of a hat. He called me a very offending name and hung up the phone on me, then calls me back and acts like nothing is wrong.Please tell me what makes a person this angry or Jeykl and Hyde like. Is there anything I can do to help this person?Thank you for your time.
I wonder why you are signing on for the rescuer caretaker role? Why would you want to do that to yourself?I can certainly tell you things that you might say or do to help him, which I will later in this answer, but I am more concerned about you. You are heading for serious trouble by assigning yourself the task of trying to fix someone who is quite damaged. Plus, I don’t hear him asking for help.Please read my Advice Archives under unfinished business. You are obviously trying to fix a damaged parent that you grew up with. If you can fix this guy, then your unconscious mind will feel that you fixed your parent. You are embarking on disaster.A better bet for you would be to enter therapy and focus on understanding this urge of yours.If you are still bent on helping him, then you will need to confront him on his impulsive behavior. Tell him that if he wants to have a lasting relationship, he needs to learn to channel his angry feelings into proper communications that are not damaging to other people. Tell him that when he is mad he is not to insult or call names, he is to simply state what you said or did, and how it made you feel. You will listen and understand him so long as he isn’t abusive.If he becomes abusive, you hang up or walk away. This is a tall order you are taking on and one that I don’t recommend.
