I was in a relationship with my high school best friend, we both are very comfortable with each other and he always had feelings for me. Prior to dating, we had been distant for some months after high school was over and did not talk much, but then we had started talking again. So eventually, I had some feelings for him as well and lead to dating, which was going fine and we were dating online. There is love and compatibility between us, then 2 months into the relationship, I started noticing some distance, and I really tried to push it, along with telling him what I thought of ‘us’ at that time. He had told me that things were really busy, and I even had noticed that, so I let it be as I still loved him. Some more time went on, things were still busy for him, and this was a bit upsetting for me, and sometimes in our calls it felt distant. While all these was still happening, my parents knew about us, and they were fine with us being together. With them knowing about us, they believe in horoscope matching and this is a strict requirement, and without it they will not accept us together in the future, like my family his family also believes in this as well. Their acceptance really matters to me, and I won’t be able to move forth in the relationship without them saying yes. When I asked his details and looked at the horoscope, we did not match. The distance, and the no match for horoscope all happened together, and I took it as a sign that we might not work out, despite how comfortable we may be with each other. So as these things were going on, I decided to talk to him about it, and peacefully ended things. After we ended things, neither of us are dating anyone, and occasionally talk with each other. I know that even though we parted and horoscopes don’t match, I still feel attached with him, and that he would be the only person that I really want to be with, if I were to be with someone in future, it would be him.
Have I taken a decision too quickly, and can I change this situation?
The issue isn’t whether you made the decision too quickly. The issue is that you are allowing your parents to dictate your life. You said, “They will not accept us together in the future.” And, “Their acceptance really matters to me, and I won’t be able to move forth in the relationship without them saying yes.” In others words, you are telling me that you are being held emotional hostage by your parents. You cannot make your own choices. Your parents’ approval comes ahead of your own feelings. Does this sound healthy to you? It sure doesn’t sound healthy to me! Part of growing up is separating psychologically and physically from our parents. You told me that he is the only person that you want to be with. Are you willing to fight for yourself, for him and for the relationship? If you say no, then you have a much larger issue here than whether you took the decision too quickly. In fact, you took no decision. You are simply following orders. I encourage you to enter therapy. You aren’t ready to form a relationship with anyone until you address the elephant in the room and grow to the point that you can break free of the emotional bondage that you are under. Until you can do this, you aren’t your own person, which means you truly aren’t ready for a relationship with another person, matching horoscope or not. If you want me to help you break free, reach out to me. I offer one-time Discovery sessions. In the session, I will guide you on how you can speak to your parents about your need to be yourself in a way that strengthens rather than ruptures your bond with them. I’ve helped so many people set themselves free and live lives that are productive, joyful and filled with love. I can help you as well to live in your own truth, not according to someone else’s rules.
