Dear Dr. Love,I love my fiance dearly (we ‘re supposed to get married in 2 months), but I found something out about him today that really hurt me. A while ago I found some ‘adult ‘pictures that he got off the internet. It surprised me, but it was OK, because I know he loves me & only me. But today I found more pictures hidden. I confronted him & he admited there was even more.He also admited that he has an ‘obsession’that was really bad in high school and has come & go since then. He wants this stimulous. He said they really turned him on. It’s beyond the normal guy looking at naked pictures of girls. It’s really intense. What really bothers me is not that he had all these pictures (hey, I ‘m not perfect either!), but that he hid this from me for the 4 years that we’ve been engaged. It’s really making me rethink things. I want to sort this out. What should I do?
You are hurt that your boyfriend hid the fact that he collects nude pictures. Why did he conceal this info? As I explain in my new book Till Death Do Us Part (Unless I Kill You First, ) due out in the fall, men are not wired for monogamy. They are built to impregnate as many women as possible (in order to insure the survival of the species. ) Since your boyfriend loves you, he doesn’t want to sleep with other women. So, the photos safely satisfy his built-in need for variety. Enough biology.Now, for the question, why did he conceal the evidence of his hobby? Since women do not have the same biological programming, it is hard for them to understand why a man would want to look at nude photos. And, when most women find out that their mates are looking at these photos, because they don’t understand about male biological programming, they feel hurt and betrayed. As a result, men instinctively hide these pictures so as not to hurt the women they love. Unfortunately, your boyfriend’s efforts to protect you ended up hurting you. I think your boyfriend didn’t realize that you would have been cool about the photos. If he had known this, I think he would have shared his hobby with you upfront. Ask him if I am correct. I bet he will say that I am.I think you are also afraid that if he concealed this information, he will conceal other things. You need to take a hard look (no pun intended) at this guy. Does he lie in other areas as well? I bet the answer is no. In which case, you know that I am correct. He concealed to protect you and it backfired. I hope this explanation helps you feel better, and sort out where you are. Let me know how this works out for you.