Dear Dr. Love,I ‘m known in high school for having the biggest boobs!! Nobody knows that I stuff my bra. I’ve been going out with this awsome guy, who I’ve liked for a long time. He feels we ‘re at the stage of having sex. I don’t want him to find out that I don’t have big boobs!!! What do I do?Love, BOOBLESS
You currently have a big problem and it’s not about lacking big boobs, it’s about being caught in a lie. You asked me what can you do. Short of having a breast augmentation operation, this week, you can’t do anything to change your bust size. So, what are your other alternatives?On a practical level, you could put sex with your friend on the back burner and gradually reduce the padding in your bra until you eventually have no padding at all. I can hear you saying, ‘but when the padding is gone, he’ll see that I ‘m boobless. ‘I can bet that this guy’s eyes aren’t measuring tapes, meaning that he doesn’t spend his time sizing up your breasts. (Most people are too caught up in themselves and their worries to bother to notice other people.) I know that you are highly focused on your breasts, but, I can assure you that you are the only one who is obsessed with their size.Did it ever occur to you that this guy you’re dating isn’t interested first and foremost in your boobs. In fact, he may be more attracted to your other qualities. I assume that you have other appealing features (nice hair, pretty smile, great personality, intelligence). And, now we approach the heart of the issue. It sounds to me like your self-esteem needs padding, not your boobs. The fact that you padded your bra tells me that you don’t like yourself as you are. Since you don’t feel good enough about yourself, you assume that no guy could possibly like you as you are. So, you pad your bra and figure, ‘now he’ll like me ‘.Can you see that you have reduced yourself to a set of boobs. But, you should be able to like yourself for who and what you are (small boobs and all. ) By the same token, this guy should appreciate you for who you are, not what’s in your bra. If it turns out that he no longer like you once he finds out that you have small boobs, then he’s a boob and he doesn’t deserve you.I also have a feeling that your parents have been influencing your decisions and blocking you from making a healthy separation for a long time by using emotional blackmail (cold shoulder treatment or threats of abandonment).Please, for your own sake, work on your self-esteem. Your belief that you need bigger boobs is a smoke screen for the larger issue: low self-esteem. You sound adorable the way you are. Please try to love who you are, little boobs and all. If you don’t learn to like yourself as you are, life is going to be a series of miseries for you.