im a happily married man, and my wife is an amazing woman! i love her more then i love life itself . and the worst thing in the world is to see her sad. im a ballet dancer with the american ballet theatre, and we have a big galla coming up,last night she came into the house cryin. She had gone dress shopping, and i geuss was very self contious of her size, and trust me she is anything but fat!!!!! I don’t know what do, what is causeing it, and if there is anything i can do, i would really would really be happy if you could help,thank you
Your wife is so lucky to have you as her husband. The fact that you took the time to write to me about her crying jag is a true testimony to how much you care about her. It is clear that you feel at a loss to help her.Did you know that, in most cases, all that an upset woman requires is a partner who listens and understands her feelings. Many men make the mistake of going into action, trying to devise solutions, and so on. Just speak to her from your heart and listen to what’s in her mind and heart.To get the ball rolling, tell her what you told me. That you hate to see her so upset and that you would do anything to help her feel better. Just putting your loving feelings into words and saying that you would do anything for her is probably all that she needs.Telling her in words that you care is the most important thing. Next, ask her if she can tell you why she was so upset. You assume it was related to her dress shopping excursion, but the only way you will know that for sure is to ask her. If she confirms that you are right, then you need to understand more about what is behind her upset. Is she afraid that you won’t like her if she gains weight? Is she afraid of being dumped by you if she is less than physically perfect?Once she identifies her fear, you can certainly reassure her that you will always love her even if she becomes as big as a whale. Your reassurances will surely help, but there is a larger issue here that she needs to address on her own–she can’t always rely on you to prop her ego up. She needs to figure out why she is so obsessed with her physical appearance, obsessed to the point of distortion–she seems to think that she’s fat when she isn’t .If she continues to be distressed by her perceived fatness, it would be good for her to talk to a therapist about where this feeling is coming from. I also think you need to discuss why she runs away from you when she’s upset. Ask her if you are doing or saying something that makes her think that you aren’t willing or able to handle the feelings she’s having?Let me know how you make out.
